The Life of a Book Monger

The Life of a Book Monger

Writing a book is hard.

That’s what she said! (Sorry. I am juvenile at best… and for health reasons my therapist says to just let those things out when they pop into my brain. It’s like Typing Tourettes. Fuck. Monkey balls. Veal.)

Well, it’s not that hard. I think marketing a book is harder. Simply just putting a notice out to all your friends to buy your book doesn’t cut it. I think they expect it for free…being friends and all. Plus, lots of my friends can’t read. (Don’t worry about that last sentence. They don’t understand it.)

So you have to try different and unique angles. I painted my naked body as the cover of my book and wandered the city streets. Someone said “Hey, buddy! Your bookmark looks cold!”

I went home.

I tried yelling at passersby from my balcony. “Get my book! Get my book!”

Someone spoke again “O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art. As glorious to this night, being o’er my head. As is a winged messenger of heaven.”

I peed on them and went back in. (What? You think I washed off my bookcover and put clothes back on??)

So now I am left to trying different social media sites. That’s what all the Marketing Gurus say to do. I have to create a buzz about my brand. I have to get my SEO aligned with my content. I gotta… say, is Adult Friend Finder considered social media? I bet I could market my book to hot chicks who are really men looking to collect pictures of my bookmark.

Brian is the author of this post and of the just released book Not Bukowski, which many of you schlubs don’t own yet.

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Also published on Medium.