Holy crap. Holy moly. Holy spitooly. Holy….
The book is written. THE BOOK IS WRITTEN!
I have finished writing Not Bukowski.
It’s only been ten…oh wait… 14 years in the making since the last book. Jesus, I am a lazy slug. And trust me, this one wasn’t worth a 14-year wait. You are going to be so disappointed. On the bright side, I have the title for my third book.
Jonathan Winters Seagull.
Now comes the tough part. Doing my taxes and cleaning out that weird mystery stuff under my toenail.
No… I am kidding. It’s the editing. It’s time to hunt down all the typos and misspellings and grammatical never-dos. I hate this part. I embrace creating grammatical never-dos. I scream like a baby with mystery stuff under its toenail when someone tries to “Alway Do” my “Never Do.” Hey, that sounds dirty…
I must focus and quit rambling. I must focus.
So instead I am going to work on this recipe for a Slow Cooker Pork Tenderloin… and clean out that weird mystery stuff under my toenail. What if that weird stuff under my toenail is actually pork loin? Sometimes I am pretty drunk when making pork loin… especially when using a slow cooker. That takes 4 hours at least. Do you know how much liquor you can toss down your throat in 4 hours? I am sure after all that, especially since I would be laying on the floor… hammered… that I could have used my toe to poke the pork loin to see if it was done.
And isn’t that a silly phrase. Poke the pork loin! Why it’s almost a euph….
Ah…sorry. I am delaying the inevitable.
I will handle the editing.
There are sure to be some tremendously interesting errors. I worked at one place in my past where I used to write course documentation. My coworkers hung a huge sign that said “Brian can’t spill.”
See what I am up against? Maybe I’ll get the fiancee to do it? She will be kind and gentle, right? Or maybe… she can see what that thing under my toenail is… I’d advise she give it a sniff first. The dog has sniffed it already and backed away, growling….
Shit. I am doing it again….
Okay. Stay-tuned. There will be a book for your hot, little hands soon! In the meantime, go read Jackass Letters by my buddy Christopher.
Hmm… I just gave him a plug for his new book. Maybe he can come over and.. check on that thing under my toenail?